complain.py

#!/usr/bin/python3

import random
import sys
import inflect


complaints = [
  u"%s plural_verb('is') Too Damn High",
  u"%s plural_verb('causes') cancer",
  u"%s plural_verb('takes') up too much space",
  u"%s plural_verb('takes') up too much air",
  u"Nobody emailed the list about %s",
  u"%s should be banned",
  u"Noisebridge allows %s",
  u"People just can't be trusted with %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('wasn't') my idea",
  u"%s just plural_verb('needs') the rules to be enforced harder",
  u"Nobody understands %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('was') BORN FREE",
  u"Nobody listens to me about %s",
  u"Everyone just trolls about %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') a technical solution to a social problem",
  u"The silent majority hates %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('was') banned by the fun police",
  u"%s should only be available to gold members",
  u"%s only plural_verb('benefits') the elite",
  u"%s plural_verb('was') created by the cabal",
  u"I have the right not to look at %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') a conspiracy by the technological elite",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') destabilising the hackspace",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') off topic",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') morally tainted",
  u"Richard Stallman LOVES %s",
  u"Richard Stallman HATES %s",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') an embarrassment to the international hacker community",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') peddled by M\xfcnchausen lovies",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') unexcellent",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') on the rise",
  u"%s plural_verb('brings') smelly hackers to the space",
# nobody's ever used this complaint  u"%s secretly plural_verb('hates') the Computer",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') what the Failing List is all about",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') a very serious concern and must be addressed urgently",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') not a permitted activity",
  u"%s plural_verb('requires') an official trustee-backed request",
  u"%s plural_verb('isn\'t') in the interest of the Hackspace's shareholders",
  u"How plural_verb('was') %s allowed past the moderators?",
  u"%s should just get in the fucking sea",
  u"%s plural_verb('needs') people to show some respect instead of just abusing us",
  u"%s plural_verb('is') a pile of dick",
]

thing = ' '.join(sys.argv[5:])

def spurious_singular(word):
    word = word.lower()
    if ' on ' in word:
        # a on b (which is not a mass term)
        return True
    if word.endswith('u') or word.endswith('es'):
        # cactus, virus, darkness, process, etc.
        return True
    if word in ['thi', 'stratasy']:
        return True
    return False

if thing:
  
  if 'cabal' in thing.lower():
      print ("THERE IS NO IRC CABAL")
      sys.exit(0)

  p = inflect.engine()


  p.num(1)
  try:
    # if we can coerce the word to singular, it's probably plural
    if ' and ' in thing or p.singular_noun(thing):
      if not spurious_singular(p.singular_noun(thing)):
        # NB breaks "doing this and that", and "the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything"
        p.num(3)
  except Exception:
    try:
      singulars = [p.singular_noun(w) for w in thing.split(' ')]
      singulars = [s for s in singulars if not spurious_singular(s)]
      if any(singulars):
        p.num(3)
    except:
      pass

  complaint = random.choice(complaints)
  if thing[0].lower() == thing[0]:
    if complaint.startswith('%s'):
      thing = thing[0].upper() + thing[1:]

  print (p.inflect(complaint % thing))