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4 Identifying and Expressing Feelings.md

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4 Identifying and Expressing Feelings

  • The Heavy Cost of Unexpressed Feelings
    • opinion != feeling
    • strengthening feelings => can benefit intimate relationships and also professional world.
    • Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
    • Hiding our feelings => can have a pronounced effect.
  • Feelings versus Non-Feelings
    • Distinguish feelings from thoughts.
      • I feel versus I think
      • Not clearly expressed when the word feel is followed by:
        • words such as that, like, as if
        • pronouns I, you, he, she, they, it
        • names or nouns referring to people
    • Distinguish between what we feel and what we think we are.
      • Likewise, differentiate between what we think others are doing around us and words that describe actual feelings.
      • how we interpret others, rather than how we feel:
        • e.g., abandoned, abused, attacked, betrayed, boxed-in, bullied, cheated, coerced, co-opted, cornered, diminished, distrusted, interrupted, intimidated, let down, manipulated, misunderstood, neglected, overworked, patronized, pressured, provoked, put down, rejected, taken for granted, threatened, unappreciated, unheard, unseen, unsupported, unwanted, used.
  • Building a Vocabulary for Feelings
    • Words such as good and bad prevent the listener from connecting easily with what we might actually be feeling.
    • How we are likely to feel when our needs are being met:
      • e.g., absorbed, adventurous, affectionate, alert, alive, amazed, amused animated, appreciative, ardent, aroused, astonished, blissful, breathless buoyant, calm, carefree, cheerful, comfortable, complacent, composed, concerned, confident, contented, cool, curious, dazzled, delighted, eager, ebullient, ecstatic, effervescent, elated, enchanted, encouraged, energetic, engrossed, enlivened, enthusiastic, excited, exhilarated, expansive, expectant, exultant, fascinated, free, friendly, fulfilled, glad, gleeful, glorious glowing, good-humored, grateful, gratified, happy, helpful, hopeful, inquisitive, inspired, intense, interested, intrigued, invigorated, involved joyous, joyful, jubilant, keyed-up, loving, mellow, merry, mirthful, moved, optimistic, overjoyed, overwhelmed, peaceful, perky, pleasant, pleased, proud, quiet, radiant, rapturous, refreshed, relaxed, relieved, satisfied, secure, sensitive, serene, spellbound, splendid, stimulated, surprised, tender, thankful, thrilled, touched, tranquil, trusting, upbeat, warm, wide-awake, wonderful, zestful.
    • How we are likely to feel when our needs are not being met:
      • afraid, aggravated, agitated, alarmed, aloof, angry, anguished, annoyed, anxious, apathetic, apprehensive, aroused, ashamed, beat, bewildered, bitter, blah, blue bored, brokenhearted, chagrined, cold, concerned, confused, cool, cross, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, detached, disaffected, disappointed, discouraged, disenchanted, disgruntled, disgusted, disheartened, dismayed, displeased, disquieted, distressed, disturbed, downcast, downhearted, dull, edgy, embarrassed, embittered, exasperated, exhausted, fatigued, fearful, fidgety, forlorn, frightened, frustrated, furious, gloomy, guilty, harried, heavy, helpless, hesitant, horrible, horrified, hostile, hot, humdrum, hurt, impatient, indifferent, intense, irate, irked, irritated, jealous, jittery, keyed-up, lazy, leery, lethargic, listless, lonely, mad, mean, miserable, mopey, morose, mournful, nervous, nettled, numb, overwhelmed, panicky, passive, perplexed, pessimistic, puzzled, rancorous, reluctant, repelled, resentful, restless, sad, scared, sensitive, shaky, shocked, skeptical, sleepy, sorrowful, sorry, spiritless, startled, surprised, suspicious, tepid, terrified, tired, troubled, uncomfortable, unconcerned, uneasy, unglued, unhappy, unnerved, unsteady, upset, uptight, vexed, weary, wistful, withdrawn, woeful, worried, wretched.
  • Summary
    • “The second component necessary for expressing ourselves is feelings. By developing a vocabulary of feelings that allows us to clearly and specifically name or identify our emotions, we can connect more easily with one another. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts. NVC distinguishes the expression of actual feelings from words and statements that describe thoughts, assessments, and interpretations.”