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+ + We + talk a lot about regret in therapy. +
++ No, we don’t sit down for a session on “things I wish I could reverse”. Regrets just float naturally + to the top as we explore life as it is now. +
++ Regret is widely touted as one of the most common negative emotions — and my clinical observation + backs that up. Most people have regrets: they long to turn back time, wish certain aspects of life had + gone differently — or ponder “what might have been”. +
++ A staunch few will say “I have no regrets” but I (quietly) question that. + Have they seriously never done anything wrong, never messed up or hurt someone? + Or is it simply that they’ve never reflected on it? +
++ Regret is part of life; it’s not about living in the past or trying to turn back time, it’s about + looking honestly at our choices — because we can learn from them and use them to shape the next phases + of our lives. +
++ While it’s not possible to get through life without making mistakes, or taking a wrong turn or two, + but it does pay to keep an eye on the things that might come back to haunt us. +
++ Especially when you’re still young enough to choose a different path. +
++
+
+
+ This comes in at number one for a reason. The people you love are not there forever. Sometimes they’re + there — but not as you knew them. Age. Illness. Death. Circumstances. Moving town or country. It all + happens and, often, the moment is lost. Keep an eye on the time you spend with the people who matter + to you. And tell them so, too. +
++
+ By the time you hit 40, you’ll likely have had a job or two that was going nowhere. That’s okay, + that’s often how you work out what you + don’t + want to do. But if you’re still in it 5, 10, even 20 years after its use-by date? Especially if you + had opportunities to leave? Hmmmmm. +
++ Few people have perfect jobs. But your work should provide you with opportunities to grow and learn; + you should feel valued and supportive. If not, then it’s time to ask the hard question. +
++
+ This is the one that truly messes with people, even when they had every (good) reason in the book for + staying (and there often are many of those). The trouble with toxic relationships is that their legacy + creeps up on you. It’s like John Green’s quote about falling in love: + “It happens slowly, then all at once.” + Something’s a bit off, then it’s awful, then you’re stuck. +
++ Something’s a bit off, then it’s awful, then you’re stuck. +
++
+ Ahh good life. Easy Street represents all of that — the parties, the fun, the late nights, the + risky/bad behaviour, the outright decadence. A client struggling with where her life had landed said: + “I’m so pleased I misspent my youth because I can’t behave like that now.” It’s a fair point. +
++ Youth is the time for experimenting, for running a little wild. Trouble is though, Easy Street is a + pretty addictive place. And if you buy a house down there you’re not skipping town any time soon. + Remember, Easy Street is a nice place to visit, but a necessary place to leave. +
++
+ True bullies don’t have regrets, that’s because they just go right on bullying people for the rest of + their days. But sometimes, people with good hearts bully others. They are usually young at the time + but, later in life, they really, really regret it. Trust me, I’ve heard the stories in therapy. +
++ If you are a decent person, hurting others will hurt you and make you feel bad about yourself. Even if + you’re not actually the bully, but the one who stands on the side-line and does nothing to help a + victim, it’ll scar you. Be warned. +
++
+ What’s your current online spend? Take time to assess your scrolling habit versus the other activities + in your life. I don’t mean the intentional scrolling that adds to your knowledge and improves your + life. But the hours spent in online rabbit holes, randomly scrolling for no particular end — hours + that end with you feeling like you’ve just wasted a sh*tload of time. (Because you probably have). +
++ If you begin scrolling in your teens, you’ll have dropped a big chunk of your life online by the time + you hit 40. If that’s your choice, fine. But make sure it really is your choice. Because that time is + not coming back, no matter how sweetly you ask it to. +
++
+ Have a passion for cheeseburgers? Beer? Scorn even the thought of exercise? Let’s just say your body + is pretty forgiving at 20. Not so much at 40. By 50? Not at all. Just saying. +
++
+ Think of yourself as a company of one. You’ve set it up, you’re the founder and CEO of yourself. Now, + we all know that life is not an obedient employee, it will frequently do whatever it wants, but it’s + still possible to lead yourself well. To manage your thoughts, emotions and behaviours in healthy + ways. +
++ Because if you hand over all self-control, if you let your thoughts, feelings and behaviours off the + leash too often, the worst of yourself might just come back to haunt you. +
++
+ You know the one I mean, don’t you? That divergent path that winked at you way back when and you + turned away from it, preferring the tried and true. +
++ The things we don’t do often sit more heavily on our shoulders than the poor choices we made or the + things we did badly. +
++
+
+ Taking a risk has to be weighed against stupidity, and maybe even the impact on others. But letting a + chance (or person) go that you’ll still be thinking about — even yearning for — years later? Yeah, + nah, don’t do that. +
++ Thanks for reading! Come join + my email list here + if you’d like a regular dose of practical psychology for everyday life. +
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