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| 1 | +["Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.", |
| 2 | +"Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.", |
| 3 | +"Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.", |
| 4 | +"Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.", |
| 5 | +"Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.", |
| 6 | +"Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it", |
| 7 | +"Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.", |
| 8 | +"Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter", |
| 9 | +"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.", |
| 10 | +"Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience", |
| 11 | +"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.", |
| 12 | +"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.", |
| 13 | +"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.", |
| 14 | +"Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.", |
| 15 | +"Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died", |
| 16 | +"Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.", |
| 17 | +"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.", |
| 18 | +"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.", |
| 19 | +"Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.", |
| 20 | +"Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.", |
| 21 | +"The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.", |
| 22 | +"The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.", |
| 23 | +"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.", |
| 24 | +"Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.", |
| 25 | +"Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.", |
| 26 | +"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.", |
| 27 | +"Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.", |
| 28 | +"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.", |
| 29 | +"Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.", |
| 30 | +"Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.", |
| 31 | +"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.", |
| 32 | +"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.", |
| 33 | +"Chuck Norris tells a GPS which way to go.", |
| 34 | +"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.", |
| 35 | +"Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer ..... to bad he has never cried", |
| 36 | +"Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.", |
| 37 | +"Chuck Norris had a staring contest with Medusa, and won.", |
| 38 | +"When life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he makes orange juice.", |
| 39 | +"When Chuck Norris goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food.", |
| 40 | +"Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.", |
| 41 | +"They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.", |
| 42 | +"Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.", |
| 43 | +"Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow", |
| 44 | +"Chuck Norris put out a forest fire. using only gasoline", |
| 45 | +"Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.", |
| 46 | +"Custom t-shirts provided by Spreadshirt"] |
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